An Open Letter to Chetan Bhagat
Mr. Bhagat,
I recently, quite unfortunately, came across your views on “Housewives”. I wish I hadn’t, cause even though I never really admired your writing I believed you’d be anything but critical, disapproving and in fact judgmental. Writers, Artists are not generally known to bracket and label people. So, here’s a point-by-point response to your views on us—“housewives”. I though it was important for you to hear it straight from the horses mouth.
I recently, quite unfortunately, came across your views on “Housewives”. I wish I hadn’t, cause even though I never really admired your writing I believed you’d be anything but critical, disapproving and in fact judgmental. Writers, Artists are not generally known to bracket and label people. So, here’s a point-by-point response to your views on us—“housewives”. I though it was important for you to hear it straight from the horses mouth.
Here’s what you said:
"My mother worked for 40 years. My wife is the COO at an international bank. It makes me proud. She doesn't make phulkas for me. She doesn't make phulkas for me. We outsource that work to our help, and it doesn't really bother me. If my wife had spent her life in the kitchen, it would have bothered me more."—–
Question Mr Bhagat—If I get you right, had your mother not worked for 40 years and your wife hadn’t been the COO of an International Bank—and instead chosen to be at Home—you wouldn’t have been proud of them? Ironically, Mr Bhagat we women are generally quite proud of our Men (even if they are nincompoop slothful asses)—irrespective of how much or whether they earn at all. Fortunately for your clan, there are enough women out there who unconditionally stand by their men all their lives, even when they have the option of walking out. May be it’s a good idea to feel proud of the people in our lives for who there are—and not what they bring to the table!
"My mother worked for 40 years. My wife is the COO at an international bank. It makes me proud. She doesn't make phulkas for me. She doesn't make phulkas for me. We outsource that work to our help, and it doesn't really bother me. If my wife had spent her life in the kitchen, it would have bothered me more."—–
Question Mr Bhagat—If I get you right, had your mother not worked for 40 years and your wife hadn’t been the COO of an International Bank—and instead chosen to be at Home—you wouldn’t have been proud of them? Ironically, Mr Bhagat we women are generally quite proud of our Men (even if they are nincompoop slothful asses)—irrespective of how much or whether they earn at all. Fortunately for your clan, there are enough women out there who unconditionally stand by their men all their lives, even when they have the option of walking out. May be it’s a good idea to feel proud of the people in our lives for who there are—and not what they bring to the table!
I find this statement extremely condescending, Mr. Bhagat. It feels that you’re looking down on the work done by the woman who makes “phulkas” for you and your family. You tell us that you’re happy your wife does not make “phulkas” for you—and in stead, chooses to work at the International bank. The woman who’s spending her life in the kitchen—to serve you, feed you—your help—is according to you doing some sort of a lesser menial job. You clearly need perspective Mr. Bhagat.
One,
"a man who marries a career woman gets a partner to discuss his own career with. A working woman may be able to relate better to organizational issues than a housewife. A spouse who understands office politics and can give you good advice can be an asset."
"a man who marries a career woman gets a partner to discuss his own career with. A working woman may be able to relate better to organizational issues than a housewife. A spouse who understands office politics and can give you good advice can be an asset."
This statement takes the cake! I am SO tempted to call you names—but I shall refrain for the sake of propriety! I am a stay at home mother, Mr. Bhagat. And contrary to your opinion of “women like me”—my husband and I discuss every single of his work related issue. Just as he talks to me about the issues at home—and that includes Maids! And guess what, he goes back with a better evaluation and assessment of the issue. Sometimes, an outsider’s viewpoint is all that you need to distance yourself and look at things objectively. As for “organizational skills”—Spend a day at home Mr. Bhagat—with a cranky baby—Maid not having turned up—food on the burner—and a messy home. 9 out of 10 times, husbands returning home from work in the evening open the doors to a swanky clean home with the baby well fed and everything under control. That by the way is called Organization!
But forget about all that—Did you just call “working women” an “Asset”? So you’re really just one of those men who look at women as commodities—as a ‘return on investment! After all those preposterous Matrimonial adverts by grooms looking for “fair” “convent educated” “homely” wives—they should now be looking for ones “who understand office politics” and “give good advice”. We women will always remain objects that serve some sort of purpose for the Men—isn’t it?
But forget about all that—Did you just call “working women” an “Asset”? So you’re really just one of those men who look at women as commodities—as a ‘return on investment! After all those preposterous Matrimonial adverts by grooms looking for “fair” “convent educated” “homely” wives—they should now be looking for ones “who understand office politics” and “give good advice”. We women will always remain objects that serve some sort of purpose for the Men—isn’t it?
Two,
"a working woman diversifies the family income streams. In the era of expensive apartments and frequent lay-offs, a working spouse can help you afford a decent house and feel more secure about finances."
The idea to look for a wife who works outside of the home—to cater to the needs of a metropolitan life—is in itself warped. The last I heard was that one should ideally be choosing his/her life partner based on who he/she is –rather than based on their bank balances. Shame Mr. Bhagat—for it seems you view relationships and marriage as a sort of agreement between two business partners than individuals in love!
"a working woman diversifies the family income streams. In the era of expensive apartments and frequent lay-offs, a working spouse can help you afford a decent house and feel more secure about finances."
The idea to look for a wife who works outside of the home—to cater to the needs of a metropolitan life—is in itself warped. The last I heard was that one should ideally be choosing his/her life partner based on who he/she is –rather than based on their bank balances. Shame Mr. Bhagat—for it seems you view relationships and marriage as a sort of agreement between two business partners than individuals in love!
Three,
"a working woman is better exposed to the world. She brings back knowledge and information that can be useful to the family. Whether it's the latest deals or the best mutual fund to invest in, or even new holiday destinations, a working woman can add to the quality of life."
You sound like someone who writes on the cave walls! Certainly not the one like me—who races away on her keyboard! Cause had you been like me—and like millions out there who use the computer and the internet, you’d know that for all your queries—even on mutual fund and holiday destinations, there is the quintessential Google! A woman does not necessarily have to step out—work 9-5—“get exposed”—“and bring back information”. You know Mr. Bhagat, these days everything is just a click away. I, for instance, a housewife, not just planned my family’s holidays, but made all our bookings online—found the places we wanted to see—restaurants we wanted to eat at—all over the internet, sitting right here on the cushiony couch of my living room. How’s that to add to “the quality of life”?
"a working woman is better exposed to the world. She brings back knowledge and information that can be useful to the family. Whether it's the latest deals or the best mutual fund to invest in, or even new holiday destinations, a working woman can add to the quality of life."
You sound like someone who writes on the cave walls! Certainly not the one like me—who races away on her keyboard! Cause had you been like me—and like millions out there who use the computer and the internet, you’d know that for all your queries—even on mutual fund and holiday destinations, there is the quintessential Google! A woman does not necessarily have to step out—work 9-5—“get exposed”—“and bring back information”. You know Mr. Bhagat, these days everything is just a click away. I, for instance, a housewife, not just planned my family’s holidays, but made all our bookings online—found the places we wanted to see—restaurants we wanted to eat at—all over the internet, sitting right here on the cushiony couch of my living room. How’s that to add to “the quality of life”?
Four,
"the children of a working woman learn to be more independent and will do better than mollycoddled children."
My husband, Mr Bhagat, is the 245th Indian to represent the country in Cricket—that in a country of a billion plus population. The first time he travelled on his own—and I mean all by himself—was when he was 10—yes, just Ten! He took a roadways bus to travel between two cities to play a competitive game. So you see He’s fiercely Independent. And has done pretty well in life too. Guess what, his mother was never a “working woman”. She never stepped out to work. Yet, she worked very hard to bring up her children and be the home manager while her husband was away earning the daily bread. My husband and his sister, like thousand other children, ARE NOT MOLLYCODDLED! They were disciplined, focused and very determined.
That’s another of your bullet points going down the bin!
"the children of a working woman learn to be more independent and will do better than mollycoddled children."
My husband, Mr Bhagat, is the 245th Indian to represent the country in Cricket—that in a country of a billion plus population. The first time he travelled on his own—and I mean all by himself—was when he was 10—yes, just Ten! He took a roadways bus to travel between two cities to play a competitive game. So you see He’s fiercely Independent. And has done pretty well in life too. Guess what, his mother was never a “working woman”. She never stepped out to work. Yet, she worked very hard to bring up her children and be the home manager while her husband was away earning the daily bread. My husband and his sister, like thousand other children, ARE NOT MOLLYCODDLED! They were disciplined, focused and very determined.
That’s another of your bullet points going down the bin!
Five,
"working women often find some fulfillment in their jobs, apart from home. Hence, they may have better life satisfaction, and feel less dependent on the man. This in turn can lead to more harmony."
Ah! Mr. Bhagat, how I wish you’d enrolled yourself in some ‘Art of Living’ type of course! Some Guru out there should have told you that “Life Satisfaction” are big words. Job/No Job, Marriage/No Marriage, Kid/No Kid – are superficial pointers. They do not define satisfaction. They never can. A man can lie on the rug, stare at the ceiling, not move an inch the entire day—and still feel very satisfied. You get the drift? No, may be it’s too heavy for you. Forget it! Look at it this way—I just chopped some onions—finely, bit by bit. Sprinkled some oil in the pan and sautéed them on low flame right till they were nice golden brown. It took a lot of effort and precision—for had I moved away, they would’ve gotten too brown. And had I increased the flame, they would’ve lost their sweetness. That’s passion. That Mr. Bhagat is satisfaction. I am not quite sure if you understand this either—cause you’re the one to “outsource your phulkas”.
"working women often find some fulfillment in their jobs, apart from home. Hence, they may have better life satisfaction, and feel less dependent on the man. This in turn can lead to more harmony."
Ah! Mr. Bhagat, how I wish you’d enrolled yourself in some ‘Art of Living’ type of course! Some Guru out there should have told you that “Life Satisfaction” are big words. Job/No Job, Marriage/No Marriage, Kid/No Kid – are superficial pointers. They do not define satisfaction. They never can. A man can lie on the rug, stare at the ceiling, not move an inch the entire day—and still feel very satisfied. You get the drift? No, may be it’s too heavy for you. Forget it! Look at it this way—I just chopped some onions—finely, bit by bit. Sprinkled some oil in the pan and sautéed them on low flame right till they were nice golden brown. It took a lot of effort and precision—for had I moved away, they would’ve gotten too brown. And had I increased the flame, they would’ve lost their sweetness. That’s passion. That Mr. Bhagat is satisfaction. I am not quite sure if you understand this either—cause you’re the one to “outsource your phulkas”.
And for the life of me—I am waiting to hear how women who do NOT work fail to contribute towards a better nation. You sound like this one elderly man I met—who pronounced that the increase in Crime rate in cities was because of Women! They work and take up all the jobs, leaving men sitting idle. And as we all know an idle mind is a devil’s workshop! You, Mr. Bhagat sound as lame as illogical and as incongruous as that old man. Only that you two are on the opposite sides of spectrum.
This is a humble urge—please DO NOT tell us what is good/bad. What is acceptable and what is not. What Men want us to do and what not! And please DO NOT tell us what’s the best possible way to live our life! Just don’t tell us anything. Because for you and many-many more Men out there—women will always be either sluggish “housewives” who just sit all day at home doing nothing OR “the working woman” who doesn’t take care of her home. We can do without such absurd cataloguing. Really—Mind your own business!
Thanks,
A Homemaker
